ALONE

I sit slouched on the couch, laptop on my lap, meaninglessly surfing the internet and refreshing my email page every five minutes or so. I look back at the clock on the wall. It is 5 o’clock. On any other day, I would be outside my apartment complex waiting for you to go to the park for a walk or a run. But today is different - I ignore the clock’s toll and sink even deeper into the couch. I don’t feel like heading out; not yet. 45 minutes later I have overcome my inertia and I head out. I consider carrying my iPod along but instead take my cell phone.

I take a deep breath and start walking. I pause briefly outside your apartment, as if waiting for you to emerge – silly me! I have an idea; I call your cell phone, only to reach your voicemail. Just as I am telling myself to gear up to be alone henceforth, you call. We chat for a little bit, then, you hang up and I am alone again.

I don’t spot many familiar faces on the trail today. But when I do see one, I smile at them eagerly, hoping they stop me and ask about your absence. None does. With no one to point new flowers to, or share the excitement over spotting a new bird, or exchange notes of domesticity and satisfy the inherent girlish (or womanly) need to babble, the trail seems to stretch longer than usual. I try to focus my mind on something other than our times together.

I get back home after an hour that seemed painfully long. No extra gossip time at your apartment steps today, nor any beseeching to stop by for a cup of chai. Hmm..I’ll brew my own chai or even better, make myself some lemonade from the lemons you left for me… :)